Free-Will And Designing Your Life

I go back and forth in believing that I "control" what happens in my life. .Or anyone else's

I've gotten a lot of things that I 'want' using free will. But did I really want them? 

I'm also unable to avoid my karma. ..karma seems to occur rather quickly with me. But I always wondered if that was just my perception. .or an actual occurrence. It always seemed too blatant or obvious to be a coincidence. I simply end up in the exact situations that I put others in

I also think about the purpose of my life and how it's supposedly different from anyone else's in this holographic universe. .yet we're all so similar. Aren't we? 

Don't we basically want the same things and have similar cyclic fates? Whatever realm we throw ourselves into next. Whatever hell we create for ourselves. ... What then is a purpose? Shouldn't I just strive for deliverance/pure consciousness 

My hands create and produce things. I love painting because it puts me in a state where I'm connected to my "self." I can hear my voice and reason with my heart. .almost all forms of art do that for me...While keeping me grounded. In other words,  I feel liberated while I manifest things 

Free of karma and certainly in the present moment.  Isn't this the goal?  I'm grateful when I see other individuals doing similar things in their lives (in terms of manifesting and liberating themselves) . .on bigger scales. .are they living more fully? 

How 

And do I have a similar/different purpose 

I also find it amusing how things happen regardless of my input. While I totally buy into the position of co-creating my life the structure of my life seems to be unavoidable. 

I can change my attitude and perception but whatever happens in my life seems to happen by design. ..a semi-rigid? path that can be adjusted but not altered